Is it a slice? Is it a hook? No its just a golf joke...

"When I'm on the golf course and it starts to rain or lightning, I hold up my one-iron, because I know even god can't hit a one-iron" - Lee Trevino.

"Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture" -Winston Churchill

"It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits in baseball.  I did it in one afternoon on the golf course" -Babe Ruth

Golf Swindler

While sitting at a table in the clubhouse after a game, Stewart remarked to a fellow club member, I'm not going to play golf with Jim Lawler anymore.  'He cheats."

"Why do you say that?" asked his friend.

"Well, he found his lost ball two feet from the green; replied Stewart indignanty.

"That's entirely possible,' commented his friend.

"Not when I had his golf ball in my pocket," retorted Stewart with finality.

Tiger Woods and Arnold Palmer

Arnold Palmer and Tiger Woods are playing the 16th hole, when Tiger's tee shot lands behind a huge, 100 foot fir tree.  Tiger looks at Arnie and says, "How would you play this one? Lay up and take the extra stroke?"

Arnold replies: "When I was your age, I'd just play right over this tree,"

Tiger not wanting to be shown up by ol' Arnold Palmer, proceeds to hit the ball high, but not high enough.  It bounces off the tree and lands out of bounds.  Tiger, really ticked at this point, asks Arnold how he EVER hot a ball over that tree.

Arnold replied: "Well, when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall."

A Scratch Golfer

Two women were put together as partners in a club tournament and met on the putting green for the first time.

After introductions, the first golfer asked, "What's your handicap?"

"Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replied.

"Really!?" exclaimed the first women, suitably impressed that she was paired up with her.

"Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones!"

After a whirlwind romance a couple married and went on a honeymoon.  "Darling," he said. "I've got a confession to make.  I'm a golf addict and play every weekend in the summer.  You'll hard ever see me."

The wife took a deep breath and said. " I too have a confession to make.  I'm a hooker."

"That's no big deal," said the husband, "Just keep your head down and your left arm straight."

Golf Jokes are not completed without a few one liners about Tiger woods.

• Did you hear Tiger changed his name to Cheetah?
• The police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him.  "I cant remember," Ellin said, "Just put me down for a 5."
• Ping has a new set of irons called Elins.  They're clubs you can beat Tiger with.
• Tiger's other women aren't Mistresses.  They're provisional.